Friday, July 7, 2017

fortysomething

When I turned 40 I thought I had figured some things out. I thought well, now I've totally got this. I know how to say no and set boundaries, I've had the babies and I'm over that stage, I got a couple jobs and became a working mother, I didn't think twice about panty lines or a little extra  weight, I felt accomplished because I was still in love with my husband. I mean I really had my shit together and I was ready for the 40s and beyond. Or so I thought.

I've been 43 for about a month and I can tell you, I'm way less certain about everything.

The 40s aren't exactly like I thought they would be. I'm still wildly happy in my marriage and still have a couple jobs to manage. But this parenting older kids worry coupled with perimenopausal hormone surges and anxiety, um it is rough.

This is how I felt right before I turned 39. This picture was taken at my first Listen To Your Mother show in Detroit.


This is me at this year's Listen To Your Mother show in Detroit. Um, yeah..pictures are worth a thousand words. This is how I feel about 43 and beyond.



It's weird because I feel stronger in some ways and more accepting of myself and others now that I'm in my mid-forties. But I also feel so worried about everything---my kids driving, putting too much pressure on my kids, not putting enough pressure on my kids, drugs!, people I love getting sick, me getting sick, football, not enough money, college expenses, global warming, war, my kids driving, drugs!....and the worry loop continues. I mean I'm not worrying about these things every minute, but the worries get so big with big kids and it can be overwhelming.

I'm still a positive person, but also a worry person. I'm more vulnerable and I'm trying to find strength in that instead of just resentment and fear. I guess the older I'm getting the more I appreciate everything and I'm so grateful for my life, and I'm afraid of losing it (it being all the good stuff).

That's my truth right now. This is my fortysomething. This is me at 43.

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People may accuse me of being a little kooky and a worrywort or an oversharer and a lot of other things. BUT they can never accuse me of being a poker face or unemotional. I own it. I'm cool with it. I actually find it pretty funny.

This made me laugh...




4 comments:

  1. I think there *is* strength in the worrying. It helps you push to stay involved with your kids and keep open lines of communication and fight for the things you love so much. I hate that you worry, but I think it's better to worry than to be apathetic or uninvolved any day. Except Friday, because "hell yeah, FRIDAY."

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    1. Hell yeah Friday! lol Thank you for supporting and understanding my worry and helping me feel stronger.

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  2. What I love about you is that although you worry - we all do - your positivity is what shines through. You're so expressive and emotional, but in that "I want to be around her all the time!" way.

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    1. I wish we could hang out all the time! Thank you for reading and being supportive!

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