Lucy turned 12 this week. On one hand I can't believe it's been 12 years! On the other hand, um, I feel like she should be turning 15. She's changed so much in the last year and a half, in some ways she seems so grown up. When I walk in her room or the kitchen and she's all...grown up and teenager-y.
Lucy is tough and opinionated. She's thoughtful and quiet. She's determined. She wants to be included but not stand out too much. She is smart, very smart. She is figuring things out. She is embarrassed by me and gets soooooo annoyed with me, and is so different than me. But still wants to tell me stuff and watch Gilmore Girls together after school on my two afternoons off. She complains about chores, but she does them.
She is tough and a lot more competitive than I thought she was. She is interested in the world and wants to travel. She loves her phone and making videos and taking pictures.
I worry. I say the wrong things. I crowd her when she needs space and feel like I miss opportunities to connect. I want to pave the way and be best friends and be like Loralie and Rory in Gilmore Girls. Ahhhhh. This whole parenting a daughter is fraught with worry and expectations and mood swings and trying to figure things out. I love her so much and I want her to be confident and happy and be her own person and not grow up too fast.
When I was 12, my parents got divorced and my whole world fell apart. My mom got sad and sick and addicted and never got better. I got lonely and grew up too fast. I try not to put that on my daughter. I try to separate my feelings and my past. But I don't know what it all looks like this whole mother/daughter thing. I mean except for my TV idols. So, I worry and probably take things a little too personally and overanalyze too much.
The only thing I know for sure is that I love my daughter and I hope I'm doing and saying some of the right things.
Here's what else I know for sure:
- Kelly Clarkson nails it again. You've probably seen this, her performance on American Idol. I mean, ahhhh!!!!!! Amazing. Even though the song is about a dad and a daughter and then her baby, it hit home. I feel like a theme with Lucy is that I never will do what my mom did to me....leave. Watch this and try not to cry, especially when the camera goes to sweet Keith Urban crying.
- Wade loves being on a team. And I love this picture of him during a break in his basketball game last weekend.
- We need to all pay attention to how girls and women are represented. duh. But did you know that emoji's are mostly boys? Yeah. Check this new commercial out. It is part of the #LikeAGirl campaign from Always.
- I LOVE THIS MOVIE. Room. It's haunting, tense, disturbing. But it's also a love story about a mother and her child. I highly recommend this, it's so well done.
(Click here to watch the video.)
- Electronics aren't totally the worst things in the history of the world for tweens/teens/kids. I yell about electronics a lot, and take them away and make rules and nag and complain. But last weekend, all of my kids were laughing and getting along and it was because of a phone! Sure they were filming each other in slow motion while they burped, but they were getting along!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!