This post is sponsored by Uncommon Goods.
Last week I started feeling some serious anxiety. It's funny how anxiety works. It seems to creep into my life after the crisis.
I'm wired for worry....I come from a long line of anxiety-ridden, under-diagnosed, over-prescribed worrier women. The plus side of this kind of wiring is that when bad stuff happens I can handle it like a badass (most of the time) because I'm always preparing for it. The down side of this kind of wiring is that when things are going well, or I get good news, I have a hard time feeling calm. For example, after we got the good news from Peyton's doctor after the broken leg, the surgery, the helping him with everything, the physical therapy, the being positive and encouraging and being hopeful, I exhaled all of the past 84 days and cried. Even though I still stay hopeful and encouraging, I am nervous and worried about him getting hurt again.
It's all about not having control or at least I think that's what I read in a self-help book years ago about these waves of anxiety that happen from time to time. The book was probably right because last week watching Peyton try to run on his healed leg and all the kids all over everywhere at practices and Tim working late and me running errands and working and walking the dogs and always feeling like I was running late and ahhhh...nothing felt like it was in my control at all.
|My happy place.|
I started to feel very panicky on Friday afternoon. I even Googled "how to feel less anxious." Google told me to take deep breaths and visualize ocean waves. There were more tips on meditation and ideas about "planting your feet on the ground." I tried a few of them. Nothing worked. Nothing until I picked up the kids from their friends' houses and we were all together in the minivan. I felt calmer with all my kids with me. Sure they were loud and rowdy and they bickered but we were together, and they were also funny and loving and ridiculous. Then we went to the grocery store and I finally felt peace. I still had no control (as I'm sure some fellow shoppers will attest to) but everything was as it should be in my head and heart.
Then we all really had a wonderful weekend together. Tim and I even went on a date on Saturday night, our first date since November 2014, which is nuts because that's a crazy long time ago. We had so much fun, we even made a video dancing to a One Direction song (if that doesn't say romance for a couple of immature 40-year-olds I don't know what does!).
So yeah, we had our first date since Nov 2014. It was a pretty big deal. I worried about what I was going to wear and how I looked and the weight I've gained and ugh. I tried on an old dress and it looked ok, but then decided on a wavy drape-y shirt because I felt more comfortable...then I remembered that Tim and I have been together for almost 18 years and have been through everything good and bad together and it didn't matter what I wore.(or that I used duct tape to hem my pants before we left). We used a gift certificate to buy dinner but we were happily surprised when the manager came to our table and said that a couple at the bar bought us a round of drinks (the couple were friends that we had confided in that this was our first date in a while)! I didn't realize that my flowy/drape-y shirt was on inside out until we got home and did this kitchen dance. And nobody cared, not even me. Here's to date nights, couples who buy drinks for other couples, older kids that can babysit, having a whole lot of history with the love of your life and for dancing in your kitchen to One Direction!!!! #datenight #kitchendance
I wish that the anxiety didn't come back, but it did. I was grateful and full of joy, but I was also over-sensitive and emotional and anxious still. It was maddening. I was worried about the worry and worried that Tim would think I was ungrateful and that he wouldn't understand and remember that these waves pass. Then I got this text from Tim and everything was as it should be in my head and heart.
I get that it's not all that normal for people to have waves of worry this big sometimes. I get that it's not all that normal that my safe and happy place is with my four loud and rowdy kids in a grocery store. I get that it's not all that normal to be married to a person that understands and appreciates and supports and gives such unbelievable, unconditional love.
But it's my not so normal life and love story.
I made a wish list and might have left it open on my computer in case Tim wants to get me a Valentine's Day gift because um, it's Valentine's Day in a couple weeks!
Here are a few of my favs:
Check out the other Valentine's Day inspired gifts at Uncommon Goods, click here.
Another great feature of the Uncommon Goods site is that they have collections with ideas for the perfect gift for not just Valentine's Day, but other special times too like anniversaries and baby showers.