Tuesday, November 29, 2011

#ShockingButTrue (At least to me)


***Be warned the F word and other foul language appears quite frequently in this post.  Be f*#&ing prepared.****




I don't care who you are, when you are stressed saying the word Fuck makes you feel better.


After our mother, who is an opiate addict and suffers from multiple mental disorders, broke her neck on Thanksgiving, my sister and I said the F word more times than ever before.  Okay, I just lied.  My conservative, proper sister said the F word more times than ever before.  I might have tied how many times I said it when I was pregnant, because even though I love my four beautiful children I fucking hated being pregnant.


Don't worry I am not walking around the house or most of my life swearing (my kids still think stupid and shut up are bad words). Where's the fun in that?  I like the shock value of the F word.  I like texting it to unsuspecting souls and picturing their eyes widening as they try to hide their iphone screen from others.  


My sister and my husband don't swear very much and they are the perfect targets for my f-ing shock value.   My husband is mortified that I am writing this post and does not endorse it at all.  (Even more fun for me!) It is a proven stress reliever....try it.  I dare you.  


Another stress reliever we discovered this past happy holiday was playing the hash tag game.  Maybe I am too obsessed with Twitter, but I don't f#&@ing care it is fun.  Not a tweeter? A hash tag is a way to search for tweets with a common topic. And a fun way to comment on a comment.


It can be used to joke around with people.  Like when I was giving my sister a hard time about her swanky neighborhood.  


My tweet was something like this: 
Cops in Escalades, nice.  #onepercent


As many of you know, there is a lot of waiting in hospitals.  A lot of time to fill.  So the hash tag game was perfect.  Here are some of the hash tags my sister and I came up with regarding our situation...


Anytime we could find something positive, like free snacks for the families= #brightspot.


The rest went like this:
#unfair
#hopeless
#youcan'twritethisshit
#we'refucked
#forreal
#we'rescrewed
#sawthiscoming
#humorwillseeusthrough
#ourhusbandsrock   (lame! giving my sister credit for this one)


and my personal favorite, 
#gobblegobblefuckyou


We liked imagining Samuel Jackson saying that last one.  And you better believe I tried to do my best impression, repeatedly.


Swearing and hash tagging, the best of both worlds to get us through an extremely rough holiday weekend.  


I apologize for the vulgarity and didn't mean to make your eyes bleed.  But I must admit it is a little bit fun to picture some of you shocked and turning away from your screen, but then turning back to read more.  So hope you turned back to read more.


But people, you don't have to wait for a stressful holiday, completely sad and overwhelming hospital experience or 10 years of pregnancies to swear and play the hash tag game.  Some people believe in meditation everyday and that's great.  I believe in swearing once a day at least and laughing, a lot.


This past weekend, there were some moments with much-needed laughter that didn't involve me swearing.

Like when I was terrorizing kids on a good old-fashioned f-ing merry-go-round.
Wade loved locking himself in the f-ing dog crate.  I promise we did not put him there, but we didn't rush to get him out either.
Say the word "fart" as many times as you can and you will ALWAYS make the kindergarten crowd f-ing laugh


Funny hash tag game:  


And sometimes when things, or holidays, don't go just right...swearing helps.  



Dave Chappelle does a much better impression of Samuel Jackson.  (Again, be prepared for some intense language and laughter.)

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